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Title: The Vex-Files               
                                    Author: KimK
                                    Rating: PG
                                    Keywords: Humor, UST
                                    Spoilers: None
                                    Summary: Heat can go both ways -- irritation or attraction.
                                    Archive: Oh please do, just leave it like it is and let me know
                                    about it. 
                                    Feedback: Yes please. I ain't too proud to beg, but I would
                                    rather it not come to that. k_nig_it1013@yahoo.com
                                    Disclaimer: Not mine . . . hrmph. Don't sue, I'm filthy poor. 
                                    Thank you: Sara, my beta reader and pal. Also thank you Gillian
                                    and David for your hard work and amazing chemistry. Thanks goes
                                    to CC and Co., as well. Definite thanks goes to the readers for
                                    taking your time to read this and sending me your generous
                                    feedback. <g>
                                    Author's Notes: I decided to write this because: 1) The Muse is
                                    at it again and 2) the Humor theme going on at Crystalship made
                                    me want to try something like this. This is my first stab at
                                    straight out humor. Very tricky genre to write if I do say so
                                    myself. Granted it's not as funny as some, I chuckled while
                                    writing it. Hope you enjoy and maybe even laugh a little! 
                                    
                                    XxX
                                    
                                    
                                    The tiny desk fans did nothing to placate the unforgiving
                                    humidity and heat filling the room with each breath they took.
                                    Air conditioning, or lack thereof,  had become quite the problem
                                    lately down in the already stuffy basement office. Upstairs
                                    everything was working just fine, but for some reason this
                                    particular summer had become undeniably unbearable in just the
                                    last few days. It was beginning to wear on two specific people.
                                    
                                    Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully had just finished a case and
                                    were working on their individual reports due by the end of the
                                    day. Scully was almost finished, while Mulder was procrastinating
                                    as much as time would allow. He'd done his artwork with the
                                    pencils to the ceiling only hours ago and now he was walking
                                    around the office, looking at pictures and posters as if he had
                                    never seen them before. Scully was doing her best to ignore him. 
                                    
                                    As she started her conclusion to her report, she heard an
                                    annoying humming sound coming from the direction of the fan
                                    sitting on the stool in the middle of the room. Then all of a
                                    sudden she heard, "Luke, I am your father," vibrating through the
                                    rapidly turning propellers within the fan, giving off the almost
                                    believable idea that it was Darth Vader speaking. 
                                    
                                    You have got to be kidding me, Scully thought. It was hot, she
                                    was sweating and she was not in the mood. Adding a period to the
                                    end of the sentence she had been working on then beginning the
                                    next sentence, her eyes did not leave the computer screen when
                                    she replied coolly, "Real mature Mulder."
                                    
                                    He didn't say one word in reply to the comment, just went to his
                                    desk and dug out his wallet from the pocket of his sports coat.
                                    Currently, he had his sleeves rolled up to just above his elbows,
                                    the top button of his shirt unbuttoned and his tie loosely
                                    wrapped around his neck. Scully had worn a short-sleeved plain
                                    white shirt and, wearing the blazer only long enough to travel
                                    from the Bureau entrance to the office, removing it as soon as
                                    she reached the basement floor. Sitting down she had removed her
                                    heels, but there was not much else she could do about the
                                    unyielding heat circulating and recirculating through the room.
                                    Even her skirt didn't serve as much of a vent, her legs covered
                                    in stockings. They'd even opened the tiny windows that lined the
                                    wall high above Mulder's desk, but it did no good whatsoever.
                                    
                                    "I'm going to the vending machine. You want anything?" He
                                    announced, already making his way to the door. The heat was
                                    wearing on him too, if not more so, but thus far he was doing a
                                    better job at hiding the effects of it on his nerves than she
                                    was. 
                                    
                                    "No thanks," she said tersely. She looked up at him for the first
                                    time in what seemed like hours and feigned a smile, letting him
                                    know she was genuinely thankful for the gesture. He shrugged and
                                    made his exit.
                                    
                                    Moments later he returned, the crinkle of a chip bag coming from
                                    his hands. He placed a bottled water on her makeshift, fold-out
                                    table of a desk and went to sit down. Before she could voice her
                                    thank you he had opened the bag and was happily crunching away at
                                    the regular potato chips. 
                                    
                                    After only four or five chips the incessant munching began to rub
                                    at Scully's already on edge nerves. She looked up to see him
                                    looking over the case notes, the first sign of productivity she
                                    had seen him do all day. The only thing motivating her to get her
                                    report finished so fast was that once she did she would get to go
                                    several flights up to the cool, icy haven that the basement did
                                    not offer.
                                    
                                    "Mulder, will you please, for the love of God, stop crunching
                                    those chips? It's driving me insane." She finally pleaded,
                                    agitation in her tone.
                                    
                                    "Yeah, sorry," he said almost absent-mindedly, his eyes glued to
                                    the folder in front of him. Without thinking he crumpled the bag
                                    to toss in the trash can, somehow having finished all of the
                                    chips in two minutes. The sound of the aluminum made Scully
                                    wince.
                                    
                                    She went about trying to finish her report, only a few sentences
                                    away. Unfortunately, both reports had to be turned in at the same
                                    time, so the fact that Mulder was just getting started was
                                    causing Scully to tense up with even more irritation.
                                    
                                    Tap, tap, tap, tap came the sound of the tiny pencil hitting with
                                    a steady rhythm against the desk. Mulder's desk. Mulder being the
                                    one causing the pestering noise. And if that wasn't enough he
                                    started to swivel his chair, the squeaking of the old screws and
                                    springs adding to the already vexing rata-tat-tat the pencil was
                                    making. 
                                    
                                    "Mulder . . ." his name escaped her lips with unavoidable
                                    exasperation. He looked up from his manila folder, his brow
                                    scrunched together in thought. It took a moment or two, but it
                                    finally registered what she was referring to, Mulder dropping the
                                    pencil and positioning himself in the chair so that he wouldn't
                                    be tempted to swivel anymore. A heavy, frustrated sigh escaped
                                    his lips, Scully's nagging having begun to annoy him. 
                                    
                                    Scully ignored it, turning her attention back to the now finished
                                    report. All she had to do was proofread and she would be done.
                                    Taking a swig from the water bottle Mulder had brought her,
                                    Scully began to read through her report.
                                    
                                    Without realizing she began to drum her fingers. Mulder knew it
                                    wasn't intentional but he felt like he was getting a taste of his
                                    own medicine, the clicking of her nails against fake wood already
                                    beginning to make him twitch, perturbed. 
                                    
                                    "All right, Scully that's just not fair. I have to stop tapping
                                    my pencil but you get to drum your nails? It's just as annoying."
                                    
                                    Unleashing a heavy, dramatic sigh, Scully pulled her hand into
                                    her lap. "Happy now?"
                                    
                                    "Yeah, thanks," he muttered under his breath with mock
                                    gratefulness. Scully heard it but decided to ignore the comment.
                                    
                                    "You know, it wouldn't hurt for you to actually *do* something,
                                    Mulder." She informed him, settling her back into the chair, her
                                    eyes cool in contrast to the room. 
                                    
                                    "I am doing something," he defended, waving the folder as
                                    demonstration.
                                    
                                    "Yeah, NOW you are! We may have four more hours for you to finish
                                    your report, but I am finished and ready to get the damned thing
                                    into Skinner." The tension was building, the anger only making it
                                    hotter for both of them.
                                    
                                    "Hey, unlike you I can't just sit down and write it out. I have
                                    to stew on it a little, gather my thoughts."
                                    
                                    Maybe she had never noticed his method in writing his reports
                                    because it had never annoyed her until now. Up until that point,
                                    she had never paid much attention. Of course, they usually
                                    finished about the same time so there had never been a need to
                                    analyze. 
                                    
                                    Scully rolled her eyes, another sigh escaping her lips.
                                    
                                    "Fine," she said, the word clipped. Standing she began to gather
                                    the few notes she had taken with her to her desk, piling them
                                    neatly in her own folder. Not even bothering to proofread any
                                    further, she scrolled to print and waited, sitting back down.
                                    
                                    Aside from the sound of the printer, the room became noticeably
                                    quiet. Scully had her eyes looking past the filing cabinet at
                                    nothing in particular when she felt the gentle touch of a hand to
                                    her shoulder. Switching her gaze from the dust particles floating
                                    in with the sun's rays, Scully looked up to meet a pair of dark
                                    hazel eyes.
                                    
                                    "You look hot today, Scully," she heard his breathy monotone say.
                                    If she didn't know any better by the sound of his voice and the
                                    look in his eyes, Scully would almost think that the comment went
                                    beyond what it implied. That he didn't just mean temperature
                                    wise.
                                    
                                    "So do you," she choked out, trying to keep her voice neutral and
                                    unfeeling. 
                                    
                                    The last of the pages printed, so Scully retrieved them and hit
                                    the bottoms on the desk to straighten them out, paper clipping
                                    them together. Standing with the intention to set the papers on
                                    Mulder's desk, Scully found herself trapped in between the wall
                                    and a very warm body. A not all that unpleasantly warm body.
                                    
                                    Mulder didn't budge, his eyes now possessing the heat of the room
                                    as he looked at her. 
                                    
                                    "You know . . . there is only one solution to go about fixing how
                                    hot we are."
                                    
                                    A hard to miss gulp traveled down Scully's throat. "Is that so?"
                                    She forced out, her voice betraying her just a little.
                                    
                                    "Yeah," Mulder assured her. He placed his palm on her shoulder
                                    again, leaning down to eye level and her eyes shot up to meet his
                                    gaze completely then. 
                                    
                                    "Scully . . ." He started, his lips having somehow inched closer
                                    to her face, just a few more inches and they would be touching
                                    hers. His eyes swept over her. 
                                    
                                    "Yeah . . ." She practically sighed.
                                    
                                    "We need to get out of here and get some ice cream." An impish
                                    grin crossed his face, his body straightening away from her's.
                                    
                                    Scully unleashed the breath she'd been holding and pushed Mulder
                                    away gently to move free herself from him. Despite the innuendo,
                                    he'd been sincere in his actions and that annoyed her on a
                                    completely different level. The closeness of their bodies
                                    combined with the heat of the room had aroused both of them and
                                    they both knew it.  
                                    
                                    "On one condition," she started, her body shaken from the close
                                    encounter. She was flustered.
                                    
                                    "What?" Mulder had that cruel grin on his face still, having been
                                    utterly amused at what he'd just done. He'd needed to replace the
                                    type of tension that had been building all day with an entirely
                                    different breed of tension. Quite honestly he wasn't sure which
                                    one supplied the least torture. 
                                    
                                    "You work when we get back." She'd already begun to toe back into
                                    her heels.
                                    
                                    "Really? We're gonna play hooky?" He inquired with enthusiasm.
                                    He'd meant the idea as just a joke, but if she was willing, he
                                    was. 
                                    
                                    "For no more than an hour." She was almost tempted to wave a
                                    finger at him like she would at a small child. 
                                    
                                    Grabbing their blazers for appearance only, they made for the
                                    door. Upon entering the elevator, Mulder looked down at Scully.
                                    
                                    "You really do look hot," he said, almost without grinning.
                                    
                                    "Shut up, Mulder," a hint of a smile crossed Scully's lips with
                                    the reprimand.
                                    
                                    -Fin-
                                    
                                    Notes: Did you like it? Maybe even love it a little? Tell me!
                                    Love!                    
                                    
                                    

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